Silently Hated On By Other Black Men…Are You A Victim Of It?

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I have been a victim of this phenomenon a lot in my life.  It seems like when it comes to dealing with other black men, many of them secretly wish to see me fail; many of whom I thought were on the same team as me.  These niggas are only cool with you when they COMPLETELY outdo you in every way; then they go from hating on you, to looking down on you.  Or better yet, they make sure to NEVER acknowledge you in any way that will give you any type of shine, hoping that you will DROP OFF and quit.  Then, after you are gone, they want to finally give you props.  PLEASE!!

I have been the recipient of a shocking amount of Silent Haterism from other black men for a while now; to where everything that I have done has been largely unsupported by the, so-called, brotherhood.  Many of these niggas are completely out for self, and they could care less about helping to bring up the next black man.  It has come to my conclusion, that DarkOneSun is disliked by a lot of the brothers who I thought that I was cool with.

Over the past two years, I have come out with many projects that were geared towards black men; and many of them have been largely IGNORED by the brotherhood; and they all know damn well about them.  I have seen many of these niggas support everyone but me.  At first, I thought that they didn’t know about the stuff that I did.  However, my stuff can be found all over the damn internet.  It doesn’t seem to matter what it is either; book, blog, forum, etc.  These cats seem to conveniently IGNORE everything that I do.

I could see if the projects were hidden from plain sight, but they can easily be found anywhere on Google.  I have looked on various websites, and have seen black men conversing on these websites in a way that’s laborious to them, all in an effort to keep from supporting my forum.  There’s no excuse, they all know about it.  At first I thought that I was, maybe, imagining things.  However, it appears that ole’ DarkOneSun is silently hated by many of the brothers that I thought that I was cool with.  While I support them, they NEVER support anything that I ever do.

In fact, they will support anyone BUT me, for that matter.  I have never been guilty of silently hating on another brother, like they ALWAYS seem to do on me.  Some of these niggas make me laugh, talking about how they are going to build, and all of that mess.  However, many of these cats have never built a damn thing besides a pile of rhetoric.  I also notice that many of these cats follow the women wherever they go; and do nothing but argue with them non-stop about the same old issues.

It seems like many of these cats are in a never-ending search for fame, and could care less about helping out other black men; even if there is no cost involved.  For the life of me, I am trying to figure out why am I the recipient of this mess?  I built a forum for many black men to speak on, and yet, these cats go anywhere BUT there.  I wrote a book for young black men to read, and get through society.  Yet, these young cats do nothing but send me PMs how to get through life, when I put it all in a book for the young heads to read.

Honestly, I am getting sick of many black men trying to get every damn thing for free.  They will help you out in ANY way, as long as it doesn’t benefit you at damn all.  One brother told me, one time: “How about giving away your book for free?” I guess that I am supposed to give away a damn 646 page book for free?  Yeah, they want the book, as long as I don’t benefit in ANY WAY from my own work?  I mean, how in the hell can black men ever do business with one another if they don’t want to support other black men’s endeavors?

With another group that I belong to, when my book was announced, the thread went all the damn way down to the bottom, and off of the page altogether.  Hell, I donated to their cause, and they wouldn’t even ACKNOWLEDGE mine.  I thought that we were on the same team.  However, they sure as hell don’t act like it anymore.  Along the way, I must have fell in ill-repute with some of the brethren; and I don’t have a damn clue as to what I did for that to even happen.

It should all be about trying to bring up other black men any way you can.  Especially, the ones who are trying to do things that benefit other black men; as a whole.  It looks like many of the brothers have let their egos get in the way of this happening.  It also appears that they HATE to see another brother succeed at all off of their OWN HARD WORK; and will SILENTLY HATE your ass into oblivion hoping that you eventually give up and quit.  They really kill the drive that many black men have in creating things for the benefit of other brothers.

If there’s one thing that I have never done is quit, and I will win this war.  I will be victorious.

That is all.

 

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Fickle Black Men…

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Yesterday, I read a comment on a video I made from a brother that used to be a subscriber of mine.  Now, this was a brother who used to be one of my biggest supporters on YouTube.  He would always make video responses to a lot of the videos that I made; which, I agreed with.  Anyway, I didn’t hear from this brother for a while, and then, out of nowhere, this nigga starts ripping into me out of nowhere with a comment that came completely out of left-field.

Needless to say, that I was offended as hell by the comment.  What I am trying to figure out, is what in hell is UP with black men and fickleness?  It seems like black men can’t support ANYONE for a long time without turning on them like a damn ravenous wolf.  Black people, are the only people that I have seen who turn on people for absolutely no reason whatsoever.  This fact holds true, especially, for black men.

It seems like with niggas, somebody is ALWAYS getting played out, and the minute they do, black men turn on them like hell.  They go from being an ally to a damn enemy with the quickness.  Fickleness in black men is the major reason why black men can’t work with each other; as it seems like black men ALWAYS come up with some reason not to support their fellow black man.

It’s happened to me more times than I can damn count; where I have had cats just turn on me out of nowhere…FOR ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WHATSOEVER.  I can’t stand fickle ass people; and the black community is RIFE with them.  Especially, when it comes to black men.  Hell, most niggas are more fickle than “Buddy Love” was on the damn Nutty Professor.  You never know what to expect from many of them, as many of them change-up on you faster than the late “Notorious B.I.G.” could down a gotdamn egg soufflé.

Pathetic.

That is all.

 

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When Women Have The ABSOLUTE Choice…

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Men die.

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Period.

One of the biggest travesties to ever happen to Western Society, in my opinion, was to give women absolute power in the mating game.  Western Society, is a society that caters almost completely to women; to the point where men aren’t even seen as human beings, but mere vessels put here to merely satisfy the whims and vagaries of the women in it.  The sad thing about it, is that most women want it to STAY that way.  It’s an imbalance that most women never seem to ever get sick of, and it’s an imbalance that will stay INTACT as long as Western Society still stands.

The reason being is because most men can NEVER compete with women in terms of desirability when it comes to the opposite sex; as women are FAR, FAR, more appealing to men, than men are to women.  Hell, the average woman can pull a damn man without even trying.  It may not be the one that they want, but they can get men rather easily.  Whereas men, if they aren’t gifted with stellar good looks, need some sort of external display of success to get any type of damn love from a woman.  It’s an imbalance that causes death and suicide in many men in this society; because without money or status, most men can NEVER hope to ever get love from a damn DECENT woman in this society.

Notice that I said DECENT right?  When I say decent, I am talking about the kind of woman that you can marry: Chaste, In good shape, with a pleasant personality.  These women drive a damn hard bargain in this society; regardless of what race you are as a man.  However, when you are a damn regualar black man, they don’t just drive a hard bargain, the bargain is such that it makes the average everyday black man look like “Will Smith” did on the damn movie “The Legend Of Bagger Vance”.

It’s so hard for a regular black man to get a woman who’s decent in this society, that many of them just completely give up trying, and just settle on a single lifestyle altogether.  Which, is EXACTLY what this society wants decent black men to do: waste way altogether. Most women, when they have the choice, try to go for the highest status male that they can possibly get; and many of them get dogged the hell out in the process of trying to find him.  Because black men occupy the lowest social rung in all society, women try to FORCIBLY consign black men to leftovers, knowing damn well that many of the black men that they try to force into a gotdamn nigga box are worthy of FAR,FAR, more than what they are trying to assign to them.

I can’t tell you how many times, I have had women who when they were at the peak of their game, try to snub me like I was the late “Corey Haim” off of “Lucas”, only to come at me like a damn ravenous wolf when they were dogged the hell out through their exploits of trying to find a damn big-baller.  The speed walking that I would see from women who thought that they were all that, slowed down to a damn snail’s pace when they felt like they had nothing to offer; as if I should have been ever so grateful to have their attention…Man, get the hell out of here!!

The thing that bothers me, as a black man, is the way women try to FORCE your ass to accept their worst, no matter how decent of a man you are, simply because they feel that’s all black men deserve.  If you are a black man, that refuses to do so, they will try to starve you out completely, and I mean WOMEN OF ALL RACES WILL DO THIS, in a effort to get you to break down to damn nothing and accept garbage.

Throughout my life, I have had to fight a damn constant battle of women trying to turn me into a simp, by being mean as hell toward me when they felt like they had it going on, to coming at me like a damn ravenous wolf when they had it going off.  That’s the story of the average black man.  It takes a lot of strength not to give in; as most women in this society try to turn black men into low-life beggars; who beg for things that men of other races, who have higher social status, get for nothing.

Western Society has no balance whatsoever; and the black community is even worst than the rest of society when it comes to the mating process.  Hell, most black men will NEVER know what it is to have a beautiful, high-quality black woman, and most have just given up trying; seeing as most of the black women who fall into this category are willing to give their all to men of other races, and black men their damn table scraps.  Most black men have just said the hell with it, and left American Society altodamngether to find mates, and I don’t blame them one damn bit either.

American Society, is a society that is just too damn imbalanced when it comes to the mating process.  Most women can never make up their damn mind as to what they want until they aren’t worth a damn themselves.  Women know that men have a hard time finding mates in this society, and play their gotdamn options to the fullest.  Hell, in this society, even a damn average woman thinks that she’s a dime-piece deserving of the finest of men…Pathetic.

The problem is that too damn many women think this way, to the point where they think that they can SNUB men who are TRULY on their level.  Most women have no clue as to what level they are on; because men pursue them regardless for sexual gratification.  Whereas, unless a man has money, or is extremely handsome, he will be largely IGNORED by all women until most women are so damn dogged out that their only hope is a damn good man.

Western Society, is a society, where men die all of the damn time from loneliness and grief; because they can’t get a damn single woman to love them.  Hell, in biblical times, most men were given wives for a dowry price, and I see why.  You give women the choice, and most men will become a bag of gotdamn bones waiting to be chosen.  If you lined up 25 women, and 25 men, almost ALL women will go after 1 guy, and leave the other 24 behind.

There is no balance and all, and many men in this society suffer for it.

Like I said, the worst travesty in this society, in my opinion, was giving women ABSOLUTE power in the mating game, because by doing so, most men will never know what it is to even experience love from a damn woman in America; as the women have far too many options, and the men have far too FEW of them. Therefore, the men have to take what the hell they can get in order to have companionship at all.

My advice to other men who may be reading this: in order to combat this rampant problem in American Society, you better make yourself into a damn island, one that isn’t dependent on anyone else for companionship but YOU.  Because, if you allow yourself to become solely dependent upon a woman for love, you will find yourself in a damn pine box.  Get strong in God so that he will help you overcome the feeling of loneliness through prayer and supplication; because women in this society are not right in the damn head, and if you follow them, you won’t be right in the damn head either.

That is all.

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It’s Not About The Looks, It’s About The Purity…

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When it comes to women's overall perception of black men, the viewpoint is almost, always a negative one.  Most women, in this society, feel as if black men will accept them no matter what they've done in their past.  For some strange reason, women in this society think that black men have absolutely no problem whatsoever with them having whorish backgrounds.  Unfortunately, for many black men, they just say to hell with it and accept inferior women period just to have a damn woman in their life.  It pisses me off the way women in this society try to FORCE black men to accept second-hand garbage simply off of the strength of them being black men PERIOD.

They do it because they feel as if black men don't deserve anything more than that.  These are the types of women who are basically whored out from having sex with tons of men, when they are at their best.  They deny companionship to black men who are well-deserving, only to try to badger these men for companionship when they finally come to a damn epiphany that all men are the damn same…Pathetic.  What bothers me the most about these women, is that they try to make good black men suffer with loneliness by routinely denying them companionship when they are actually marriage material.  

It makes good black men lives a living hell; because every time a black man turns around he is always placed into a damn nigga box that he can't get out of with women; the nigga box of loneliness, alienation, and isolation.  Good black men are punished for simply trying to be upstanding men period.  It's funny as hell how black men are the only men who are routinely PUNISHED for simply trying to be good.  In many cases, they have NOTHING to look forward to when it comes to women in the black community; as the only thing many black women try to do to black men who are like this is consign them to GARBAGE; while non-black men get the absolute BEST of black women, or thuggish, ruggish, niggas. 

The thing about it, it's not just black women either.  Women of other races do absolutely the same damn thing; leaving many good black men in American without viable options in America when it comes to women.  Like black women, they try to FORCE inferiority onto black men by coming onto to good black men stronger than the ass of a gotdamn stallion by being so ingratiating that you just know something is wrong with that woman; because anytime a woman in this society is at her best, they are biggest SNOBS to black men that anyone has ever seen.

What trips me out about ALL black women in this society, is that they ALL feel like they deserve the best black man around; even when THEY are at the absolute WORST themselves.  The thing is, women think that the only thing that they have to do is make up their outside and make it look pretty, while their inside is pure garbage; full of whoredom, bad choices, and big mistakes.  I don't give a damn about a woman's outside, if her inside is garbage complete with a damn dubious past. 

They sure as hell don't go to men of other races with that mess.  That's for damn sure.  For some strange reason, many women in this society who seem to virulently chase after black men seem to be oversexed too.  Who in the hell cares how fine a woman is, if her ass if fine for everybody else around AND you?  When many women are beautiful in this society, they feel as if they just CANNOT give it all to a damn black man until they "Live A Little", and get their asses ruined completely altogether.  Then, they want to come back to a nice black guy with tons of damn issues that came from being DOGGED by other men who they thought where superior choices. 

No black man should accept such a crappy deal.  Women like that don't deserve good black men, and they shouldn't get them PERIOD.  What these women don't understand, is that it's not about the damn looks, it's about the PURITY.  A good black man, who works hard in life, deserves a gotdamn prize.  Period.  He should accept no less; as these women NEVER give less to men that aren't black at damn all.  However, a black man must just accept WHATEVER just to have a damn woman in their life?  They must crazier than gotdamn jailhouse rats.  These women try to force their inferior asses on good black men by talking about them having a lack of options; when the only reason that's the case is because these men want to have good women to marry. 

Most women in this society all dance to the same tune…White-Worship.  These women will love a man simply because he is WHITE, and will hate a man simply because he is BLACK.  It's not even about the character with most women in this society; ESPECIALLY black women.  They only seem to see the character of a damn man when he is in the visage of anything other than a damn nigga.  When he is black, they wear him the hell out with their issues, and try to destroy him completely, only to become more supportive than "Florida Evans" was off of "Good Times" to a man that's not black. 

I have seen it far too many times that it's not even funny.  They are willing to give the best of themselves, and all of their love to men who don't even value them as human beings when they are at their best.  Meanwhile, black men who need the love can't even GET the damn love from black women that are decent.  They are the only women that I have seen do this to their men wholesale.  It forces decent black men to accept LESS and LESS in order to have a woman in their life; and they only do it due to loneliness of being starved out period by women in this doomed society. 

These same women try to make themselves look pretty in order to fool good black men with a pleasant personality to match; it's all a facade in order TRAP good black men into marrying them after they have done all sorts of damn dirt.  It's not fair for a black man, who has struggled all through his life in order to make something of himself, to accept such a woman into his life.  What astonishes many black men, is that these women are more unappreciative than "Scrooge McDuck" was in "Duck Tales" of the riches in his damn treasure chamber.  They act like THEY are doing YOU a favor by simply being with you; as if you should be as pleased as gotdamn fruit punch that they even gave you the time of day.

Women in this society try to starve decent black men out in this society by making sure that you remain OPTION LESS due to societal ostracism; so that these men will be so lonely that they will accept ANYTHING that comes their way.   It takes a lot of strength for a black man to hold out for woman that's good; as no one thinks that you are deserving of it.  Like I said, it's not the looks that are the most important to me, it's the PURITY of the woman, that is; because who wants to go somewhere where everybody else has already been?

Most of the time, the women that I want are already beautiful anyway.  However, if she's a reformed whore, why do I care?  Beautiful women are a dime-a-dozen; CHASTE women aren't.

That is all. 

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It’s Not All Black Women…There’s Other Black Women Out There…

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Was the line that I was told by someone who I once knew with a look of such arrogance that I couldn’t believe that this was the person that I met a couple of years earlier.  At the time when she said it, she could’ve cared less about what I thought about black women, as she thought that I was lower than the dung of a damn bovine when she said it; with a lowly opinion to match.

She went on to say that I’m just only ONE black woman that you struck out with.  There’s other black women out there.  What she said had a hidden meaning to it; because what she was trying to say that I had no right to want a black woman who is DECENTLY beautiful, chaste, and a good catch; and that I will eventually meet a black woman who is lowly as hell to give me comfort, to not lose hope, and don’t start putting down black woman as a damn result.  This woman, flat-out thought that she was too damn good for me simply because she was a black woman who was attractive; as if, I wasn’t on her level or something.

She was saying this to a man who attained a Bachelor’s degree in Computer Science, wrote a book, is a web developer, a programmer, and who is an entrepreneur working my damnedest to get my businesses off of the ground; as if I don’t have the damn RIGHT to want a black woman that’s good.  After all that I had been through, you damn right I deserved one.  Because I didn’t have the money yet from my business ventures to show my worth, she basically made me feel as if I had NO DAMN WORTH; as if my achievements didn’t mean a damn thing.

Then her last line was followed by: There’s other black women out there; like I am going to go after ANOTHER black woman just to go through the same damn thing.  I chose a black woman who I THOUGHT was good; and to all appearances, she was.  Yet, it went bad as hell.  In fact, I, like many other black men that I know, have come to a damn realization that the phrase: “Not All Black Women…” is a phrase designed to keep black men going on a damn wild goose chase for-damn-ever for something that doesn’t even EXIST.

I am telling black men right now to give it up, before you become a damn virtual bag of damn bones trying to find a black woman that is DECENT out here.  From my personal experiences with black women, I have come to find that 99.9% of them think and act EXACTLY the damn same; and if any of them think that they are worth anything, trust me nigga, YOU will be the damn LAST to know…If you know at all.  Most black women who think that they are worth anything are itching like they have gotdamn fungi feet to give it all to a man that’s not black; and if you are lucky, you may, just may, get what’s left of them when it’s all said and done; complete with lowered eyes, no self-esteem, and all.

Because whether they want to admit it or not, that’s all many black women THINK that black men DESERVE.  Hell, even the black men who handle their business, go to school, and work hard, deserve their pathetic leftovers, while white and other non-black guys get their best and then some.  Also, from what I have seen, it’s only a matter of time before the REAL them comes out in a relationship, and they turn on you like a gotdamn pitbull and end up showing their true colors.  I have come to the conclusion that many, if not MOST black women, simply don’t care for black men PERIOD…Whether they are good or bad.

Hell, they PREFER the dysfunctional nigga over the upstanding black male; because the dysfunctional nigga is the nigga that they can WALK AWAY FROM WITH NO REGRETS.  With black men that are good, they feel a constant guilt that never goes away; because most black women know damn well that the real reason why they hate black men, is not because they are thugs, or bad men.  It’s because they want NON-BLACK men; and most of them must sample at least one before they die…Pathetic.

With dysfunctional black men, the black man usually always messes up in a way where black women can say: “At least she tried.” However, with “Good” black men, they can’t walk away from these kinds of men.  Therefore, many black women would prefer not to even date them period.  Because, truth be told, they don’t want either one.  They don’t want the bad black man, or the good one.  What they want, is for non-black men to marry them so that they can get away from all of their black asses.

The ones to suffer are the “Good” black men; who don’t get an inkling of a damn reward at all for trying to be “Good”.  The women would rather give their all to a damn thug or a white or non-black guy, than to a black man who’s trying; because they feel like niggas like this will never make it anyway.  Thus, ruining their lives as a result.  No other group of women on this damn planet treat their men like this in such numbers as do black women.  Black women are the only women that I have seen who think that they are too damn good for their men when they are in good enough condition to marry, and they feel like they are on the same level as a decent black man when they have been thoroughly dogged out.

They give their best to everyone but their men.  Yet, they expect their men to call them Queen…Get the hell out of here with that mess.  They put decent black men in one hell of a situation; as they are the only men in American Society walking around out here with absolutely NO ONE to love them; to the point where they don’t care if these men die; regardless of what they have achieved.  Hell, they’d rather these men be killed off than to tell the truth about how terrible many of them treat them.

The bottom line is this: the phrase “It’s Not All Black Women…” is nothing but a gotdamn death-trap; because if you as a black man listen to it, you may find yourself in a damn pine-box as a result of trying to find one that is good enough to marry.  It will have you looking forever out here in the direction of a black woman who doesn’t exist; and if she does exist, she DOESN’T exist for YOU.  They rarely ever do; unless they are FORCED to due to lack of options in non-black men.  The minute she gets the options, is the minute her ass beats a hasty retreat from you.

From what I have experienced, all of the black women who are, so-called, marriageable, feel like they are too damn good for black men in the first place.  It’s so rare to come across a black woman that is good who loves a black man, when it counts, that I have all but stopped looking.  Their standards are always utterly ridiculous when it comes to a nigga, and not ridiculous enough when it comes to a non-black man.

Pathetic.

That is all.

 

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The Beauty Of Being A Pro-Black Woman…

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Is you don’t have to worry about what the hell side you are one when things like THIS happen.  Women who are truly Pro-Black don’t have to worry about having confused ass feelings when their blackness is called into damn question in this racist society.  Sometimes, I look at black women, and wonder how can they do it.  How on earth can many black women couple with non-black men, many of whom, who hate their sons, fathers, and brothers–and even THEM–when the very same men that black women COUPLE with kill their damn sons like it ain’t nothing on the streets every day somewhere in the United States.

How in the hell do they feel seeing cases like the damn Treyvon Martin shooting when they are giving their love to men who don’t need it, while the men who DO need it–their own damn men–are left STARVING for companionship, as well as friendship?  Out here in Oakland, I look around all the damn time only to see most other races stick with their own, only to see many black women act like they have seen a gotdamn Boglin whenever a black man comes around.

At first, this stuff used to bother me, when I actually gave a damn about black women, now I look at them the same way many of them look at ALL black men every day: like they’re nothing…AT ALL. Face the fact, many black women don’t know what in the hell side they are on in this racist society.  Other women seem to understand it, including white women. However, they don’t at damn all.  Many black women think that they can straddle the damn fence when it comes to race in this society, only to find out later on, that they CAN’T.

Many black women try to ally themselves with American Society against black men, only to find themselves ingratiating themselves towards the same men that they dissed later on–Black men.  Because, when things get hot, black men are the main ones that they come looking towards to have their back, and those days are damn over.  Black men, in general, are tired as hell of many black women acting like double agents who go from dissing black men when it is advantageous to do so, to screaming “Power To The Damn People!!” when it’s not.

Also, black women have this ISSUE, of coming to black men when they have been thoroughly dogged the hell out, that has black men fleeing from their asses faster than “Ben Johnson” did in the damn Olympics from the damn USADA.  Many black women, especially when they are beautiful, go all damn OUT to land a non-black man, only to give a damn nice black man the damn non-black man’s pitiful remains. A lot of these brothers who think they have a quality black woman, will have to look on in damn horror at the damn Brontosaurus bones falling out of her damn closet from the things that she’s done.  Most black women can NEVER be a good woman to black men unless their asses have been BROKEN by thugs, white and non-black guys, or a damn hard life.

Women like this become more pro-black than damn Bobby Seale when it comes to a nigga, after they have been thoroughly dogged, of course; knowing damn well that they already gave their best to a man that’s not black.  That’s a damn insult to black men, and they know it.  They TRY to FORCE black men to accept that mess.  I don’t see any other group of women doing that mess BUT them to their men.

The bottom line: is that finding a black woman out here that is truly Pro-Black, is as rare as seeing Lara Flynn Boyle eat a damn plate of “Baby-Back Ribs”, It just ain’t happening…Period.  The only time that many black women are Pro-Black, from what I have seen, is when they have nowhere else to damn go.

In fact, it’s so rare, that it’s LAUGHABLE.  Hell, it’s easy to be Pro-Black, if you have no other option.  However, how many of them are Pro-Black when they DO have the option? And the answer you will get is a gotdamn big fat Ostrich Egg…NONE.

I gave up on that stuff, when I realized that the same women who give black men hell, when they are worth something, give non-black men absolutely NONE at damn all.  Hell, most black women act as if they got on a damn gold-chain laced with damn Kryptonite when it comes to standing up for themselves against non-black men, only to become bolder than “O-Dogg” off of “Menace II Society” in the face of a damn black man.  It’s not being themselves either, it’s called being disrespectful; a disrespect that other men don’t have to see most of the damn time.

The bottom line: seeing a black women, who is worth something, that is pro-black, is as rare as a damn Unicorn.  You may as well keep looking, because you will turn into a bag of damn skeleton bones waiting for it to manifest.

Period.

 

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I Overcame My Biggest Enemy…Loneliness…

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One of the biggest obstacles, as well as fears that I have had a serious problem overcoming, was LONELINESS.  It  has been a serious problem throughout my life that people used AGAINST me in order to USE me period.  My father always use to say, “if people can’t use you, then they have no use for you.”, and that ain’t nothing but the damn truth.  From childhood, to adulthood, it seems like people would always put me into a damn category of a damn “USEFUL” friend; meaning, I will come back to your ass when I need something; otherwise, get the hell out of my face.

The thing about it, is that I could never UNDERSTAND what was it about me to always be put into this damn category by people; as I was putting into this category over and damn over again by people.  I am not the type of person to go around sweating people, so I don’t know how in the hell I got put into the category of being a needy ass person.  I had issues, no doubt, but never to the point where I would bug somebody to damn death over them.  However, no matter what happened, I would always end up in friendships, as well as relationships, that were parasitic.  Meaning, I became a gotdamn symbiote for them to use; and I know why.

It’s a dangerous thing when everybody around you feels like they have more options than you, because they will use it against you should the opportunity present itself.  You see, for a long time, up until recently, every damn body around me had more options than me; and they would use their, so-called, “OPTIONS”, against me to my hurt my ass if I didn’t do what the hell they wanted me to.  Meaning, if I didn’t do what the hell they wanted, and let them use my ass to death, they would leave me to my damn lonesome while they had friends and family to go to.

Therefore, I spent many years lonely as a result.  Being a black man who can see through people’s BS can do that to you.  I spent many years hanging from friendship in a damn effort to keep people from hurting my ass; and for some damn reason “I” am the one they always want to hurt.  It got to the point where I never thought that I would be able to free myself from symbiotic relationships because it seemed like every damn body that I met in life always had a damn “what’s in it for me” type of attitude; and I always gave more to them then they EVER gave to me.

If there is one thing that I like about myself, is that I give freely.  Meaning, if it’s something that I ain’t using, then hell, why not give it?  However, I didn’t realize how hard it was for other people to do the damn same.  In every friendship that I had, the people turn into damn USERS.  These mofos tried to use me for every damn thing that they could; and me, looking for a damn friend to be around, ALLOWED it.  At first, I thought that I was just being a friend to these people, until I realized that I couldn’t do the same damn thing to them at all.

Being a lonesome black man in California, who came here from the East Coast, I had no real friends out here–and still don’t–because every damn body out here is some damn “Grand Hustle” type of mess.  However, to be honest, it’s no different elsewhere either.  Therefore, in many cases, I was really lonesome, and hanging for friendship period.  People saw it, and instead of genuinely befriending me, they tried to barter their damn friendship in exchange for every damn thing that I owned; including my damn KNOWLEDGE.

As a result, I cut off so many people that it wasn’t funny, and wound up being alone as a damn result.  I got tired of people who tried to take my kindness for a weakness, and use me as a damn result.  I finally thought that my loneliness ended when I married my wife, as I finally thought that I had somebody to weather the damn store with.  A person who swore up and damn down that they’d never leave, and to trust in them, and all of that mess, only to be abandoned by her ass as well.

I already know what in the hell people are going to say: “You must have issues.” Of course I do, but guess what? None of my damn issues are ones to be left over…Period.  Hell, who in the hell doesn’t?  However, people leave me for a damn different reason: to break me down, and turn me into a gotdamn slave.  Meaning, if I don’t do what they want, then they leave me to lonesome; knowing damn well-being lonely was my biggest fear.  My spouse knew it, and told me all the time that I’d be alone without her, to “Be Alone Then.”, and all types of other mess.  Hell, when it came men out here, they tried to use me for every gotdamn thing that they could, and then bounced in the end, leaving me completely ISOLATED; in an effort to use me some damn more.

The thing is, God blessed me all the time with material stuff that made people mad as hell.  So mad, that they would stop befriending me once they saw it.  It got to the damn point where that’s all they wanted was what I had, and if they couldn’t get it, they’d leave me the hell alone; and have fun with “OTHER” friends in an effort to “PUNISH” me for them having friends period.

You see, loneliness can kill you, and people know it.  Loneliness can turn mighty-men into gotdamn slaves.  It can turn women into whores, and it can cause people to do things that they ordinarily WOULDN’T to quell the damn loneliness.  People who try to use loneliness against people in an effort to hurt people are EVIL ass people who will reap what they have sown.  When my spouse left, I had NOWHERE to turn, but God; and through God, I overcame my loneliness.

It was God who helped me overcome my biggest fear; which is loneliness.  Therefore, I will never ALLOW people to cause me to suffer due to it ever again; as I am strong enough to stand alone WITH God in my corner.  People will never use me in a symbiotic way ever again.

Period.

That is all.

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Are We On The Same Team??

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On one of the videos that I made about a week ago, I received a hateful comment from one of my subscribers that really made me think.  It happened in response to me changing my tune when making videos.  When I was talking about black women, it was all good.  However, when I started showing some of my hobbies which showed my suburban roots, this nigga treated me like I committed a damn high act of treason.

From the looks of the brother, it looked like he was one of these hood cats; like I really care about that.  It just tripped me out the way this cat flipped on me, simply because I changed the tone of my damn videos.  I got tired of talking about the same damn thing over and over again in videos; as I said everything that needed to be said, in my personal opinion.  Therefore, I switched to other stuff; as I was, and am, starting to evolve into a more well-rounded person.  The minute I did this stuff, many of these cats acted like I pelted their best friends with a damn dozen of Grade A eggs.

I strongly believe that many black men have a damn narrow view of what it means to be a REAL black man; and any thing that goes against their definition of it, makes these niggas angrier than “Shonuff” off of “The damn Last Dragon.” Man, stuff like that I don’t trip off of; because I know that I can handle myself, so I don’t have live a  damn lie of having a damn thug exterior while not being able to fight myself out of a damn wet-paper bag.

Therefore, I feel FREE to like whatever I want–that’s good–because I know what being a damn real black man is.  A Real Black Man, is a black man who is his damn self.  I am going to say it right now, this war that exists between Suburban and Urban black men needs to end; because, in the end, we are ALL black men; and there is no set definition as to what a damn REAL black man is.

The fact remains that a lot of black man are insecure about showing anything that makes them vulnerable; because they know damn well society pounces on black men that are weak.  Therefore, make sure your ass ain’t weak then; while being a well-rounded man.  Because, one thing is for certain, I am sick and damn tired of seeing these niggas out here looking like gotdamn reformed GI-Joe characters looking at other black men ready to do battle, while shucking and jiving around any other entity.  Fortunately, out here in Cali, I haven’t come across many black men who are like this.  Hell, they just shoot out here, I guess…LOL!!!

The South; however, you can’t touch your toes on the damn pavement of the street without seeing some musclebound nigga wanting to do battle.  I don’t miss that mess at damn all about living in the damn South.  I went through it in High School and afterward.  It’s always seem to be a never-ending quest amongst black men to see who’s the most man; that can wear you out.  You must always, and do mean ALWAYS prove you take no damn shorts that causes many black men to hide themselves completely from people; because no one wants to see that side of black men.

It causes many black men to be one-dimensional.  If any black man is different in a way that is perceived as soft by other black men, he will get his ass tore out the frame like “Kung Fu Joe” did in “I’mma Git You Sucka!”  When I was younger, I actually gave a damn about that stuff.  However, since I am older, man I don’t give a damn what these cats think.  I know that I can handle myself out here, with ANYONE Black, White, or whatever.

I am proud of the fact that I have the confidence to BE MYSELF as a black man, as many black men out here are nothing but actors, playing a constant role for the entertainment of society.  Black men need to cut that definition of what a damn real black man is, out.  Period.  Because whether you are Suburban or Urban, a black man is a black man.  Not to mention, many of these Skinny, String-Bean niggas in the hood can’t fight a damn lick; so how in the hell are they the definition of black manhood?

Suburban black men are just as manly as Urban black man.

Period.

That is all.

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I Just Want To Be Happy…

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Throughout my life, I have seen very little happiness; as my life has been a damn difficult one.  Most of the things that I have gone through have been a result of things beyond my control.  In fact, I have spent most of my youth going through trial after trial, one bad experience, with only a few years of joy that I can remember; and that was high school.

Afterward, I went through a damn series of bad experience that literally wore my ass out.  I spent my entire youth fighting the best I could against a damn racist society, hateful people, constant illnesses, and a host of other problems.  During all of this, I have tried my best to make the best decisions so that I can look back and say, I did the best that I could; and from what I have seen, I have very little regret for most of them.  I can truly say that the things that I was going through WAS OUT OF MY CONTROL.

Therefore, I am pleased with the way that I handled them; as I tried my best to keep on going.  However, throughout this whole ordeal, I have experienced very, very, little happiness; as I have spent my damn entire life FIGHTING my ass off just to get through it.  For a long time, I thought that I would NEVER be able to have any joy in life, and the reasons for that prove to be many.  From having a damn turbulent childhood, to going through gobs and damn gobs of racism from being a black man, from battling depression, to dealing with chronic pain, and last but not least, from overcoming the abandonment of a spouse.

The thing that keeps me going is the damn hope of being happy, and getting REST from all of the things that I have gone through.  To me, happiness is like a damn rare gem that I can’t get my damn hands on; as it proves to be elusive as hell.  My whole life, I have been waiting for my time to come, and now, I finally think that it’s coming in for me.  For the first time in my life, I am starting to be happy; as I feel like a damn ominous cloud has been lifted off of my life.

In spite of everything, I have tried to position myself in a way where I could begin to enjoy my later years, and I am happy that I have done so; as it is about time for me start living, and I already am in the process of doing it.

That is all.

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