I remember one time on Youtube, a brother named PhilxEulogyx made a video response to a video that I made, and this brother said something that was very poignant. I really can’t quote it word for word. However, he asked a very important question. He was wondering why, in spite of all the obstacles in black men’s way, why are black men judged to the ABSOLUTE HIGHEST STANDARD of all men in American Society? Hell, if a black man isn’t walking around looking like a damn Boris Kudjoe clone, then to most women, he is seen as worthless. The only way he can compensate for this fact, is if he takes on a thug persona. Or, have a lot of money.
I’m just going to keep it real, as black men we are ALWAYS being criticized by people for things that are FORGIVEN when it comes to other groups of men. Hell, even women who don’t even DATE black men, have the nerve to chime in–with commentary that’s usually negative–when it comes to anything about black men. I have been a victim of this crap my entire life. You can’t do a damn thing without somebody having something to say about it; especially women.
Black men, as a whole, have far more obstacles in their way when it comes to attaining ANYTHING in this society. Everybody knows this. Yet, we are judged the HARSHEST by all groups of women. We have to start way behind the starting line, practically in the damn bleachers. Yet, other groups of men, whose backgrounds are far more privileged than our own, are given far more breaks in the way of flaws than black men are.
It’s like when it comes to every other group of men, women look for what’s RIGHT about you, before they look for what’s WRONG about you. Yet, when it comes to black men, it’s the exact damn opposite. Women look for what’s WRONG about you before they look for what’s RIGHT about you. In fact, from my personal experience, when a woman comes across a black man who looks as if he has his stuff together, they will literally try to tear him the hell down so they won’t have to consider his black ass as a suitor. Women of all races do this; including Black women. They will fight that attraction to the damn bitter end. When it comes to other men; however, they just go with the flow.
If there is one thing, ANYTHING, wrong with your black ass, you are disqualified. Yet, other men can be flawed as hell, and women will give them chance after damn chance. Hell, in many cases, irregardless of how many bad encounters that they have had with other men, they STILL won’t view them negatively as a whole. Yet, black men are viewed that way from the damn jump-street.
I saw and experienced this with my own eyes. You always have to be 10 times better than everyone else; and that stuff can become EXHAUSTING. Especially, when you are doing the best you can do. If you do one thing wrong, you are GONE. Whether people want to admit it or not–and obviously, most people DON’T–there is a major RACE FACTOR involved in regards to the dating and mating selections that take place in this society.
Women who seek white men in this society are awarded with praise and approval. Yet, women who like black men in this society are the victims of scorn, disapproval, and derision. Hell, other women look at my wife with absolute ASTONISHMENT for being with me; and she’s a damn black woman!! They do it because she is very attractive and in her prime. Nobody, and I do mean NOBODY feels as if AVERAGE black men deserve such women…Black, or non-black. I bet you if my ass was a dusty-looking white, or non-black man, they wouldn’t say a damn word in protest. They’d be silent as a damn thief in the night. In fact, they’d probably give my wife a sympathizing nod of approval, because, we all know, “That niggas ain’t worth damn!” Give me a break.
People want to make it seem like women are just INNATELY drawn to white men; as if there isn’t some form of societal pressure to do so; when deep down inside, these women know that saying anything good about a black man would carry a damn serious penalty; culturally, as well as socially. The thing about it, many women can see that you are a good man, but they will ignore it and act like they don’t see it simply because you ARE a black man. Thus, what happens, is you have women of ALL NATIONALITIES who practically throw themselves at white men, as a result. Then, you have tons of these OLD, USED UP ASS WOMEN, who are in their 40′s and 50′s, many of whom have been passed around like a blunt all of their lives by white and non-black men, all of a sudden, develop a THING for black men. They must be crazy. Any nigga who accepts that deal is a fool.
White men are practically filled to the damn brim with a smorgasbard of ass coming at them from every conceivable angle; as they are the only VIABLE option for all women, black and non-black alike, that are all around PERMISSIBLE. Most other women of color come from racist cultures that are stratified by caste and white-worship. Another colored man simply won’t do; especially if that man is even DARKER than they are. Therefore, due to their own personal prejudices, self-loathing, and cultural constraints, for many of them, it’s either their men, or white men.
With white women, no other group of men can really give them the lifestyle that they want to live EXCEPT white men, so the white man is their ONLY choice. With black women, many of them hold a marked disdain for their own men, and other men of color are racist as hell towards anything of a swarthy hue–besides sex, that is–so their only hope for marriage outside of, so-called, loser black men, is a damn white man. All these things contribute to white men being the most desired by women of every race.
Another thing that I have also experienced, and STILL go through, is the harsh criticism of black men by women of EVERY RACE. What I find to be astonishing is that the harshest criticism seems to be reserved for the black men who are actually TRYING to forge themselves a path in this damn racist society THE RIGHT WAY; while the black men who don’t give a damn about life, or anything else, are REWARDED with a smorgasbord of ass coming at them from every conceivable angle.
Hell, I go outside every day, with my pants on my waist, shirts tucked in, a decent and presentable guy, and I am treated no better than a damn nigga on the street corner. I can’t even go around black women period out here without seeing them cackling like damn wild hyenas, hearing them talk about me like a dog, or seeing them avoid me like the plague; and if you saw me, and the way that I carried myself, you’d be AMAZED that I got the kind of reactions that I did. I look absolutely NOTHING like a thug; and I don’t look like a nerd either. Other women are no better; as it seems that most of them have it engraved in their damn DNA that every nigga wants to jump their bones. Therefore, they pull the same avoidance routines as black women at the sight of a REGULAR black man. At least that’s how it is out here where I live.
The life of a “Good” black man who tries to live an upstanding life is very difficult; which is one of the main reasons why no black man wants to be one.
Quiet as kept, most people in this society don’t see, nor do they want to see, ANY black men, that are among the LIVING, as good. To most people, especially, black women, the only “GOOD” black man is a dead one, because none of them exist in the real world–save friends and family. At least none of them who can fit their high-ass standards and expectations, anyway. To most women in this society, a black man is only “GOOD” if his black ass doesn’t have a heterosexual heartbeat; meaning he has to be totally passive when it comes to women–I.E. Gay. Or, he is old as hell.
For men of other nationalities , being masculine is ENCOURAGED; to the point where many of them are damn near stupendous in their macho behavior–I.E. Italians. It’s ENCOURAGED for non-black men to be masculine, while for black men, it’s DISCOURAGED. That’s one of the main reasons why you have so many feminine black men these days.
From the looks of things, many black men in America have completely given up on trying to be masculine men; because nobody really wants to see it. Hell, the only time many black women seem to ENDORSE masculinity in a black man is if you are the one that they want to be with. Otherwise, many of them would prefer it if all black men were gay; if for no other reason than them not having to worry about YOU EVER APPROACHING THEM.
Being manly men is simply not encouraged in the black community. Many black men see it as being far easier, as well as socially acceptable, to be sweeter than “Hollywood” off of the movie “Mannequin”; and this society, as well as black women, REWARD them for it with high-paying jobs, as well as some degree of social acceptance. I see far more black, as well as non-black, women being supportive and friendly towards black men that are GAY, than black men that are STRAIGHT. A black man that is STRAIGHT is looked at with fear and suspicion by many women.
The bottom line: Black men are judged to the highest standards by all women, for one reason, and one reason alone: because they are trying cast you out of their dating pool as a potential suitor. Only the black men who are among the twenty-percenter’s, will be able to avoid most of the problems that I have mentioned. Black men are the only men that I see who are CONSTANTLY having to re-invent themselves like the damn wheel. They can never be themselves. This whole society, should give every black man in America a damn Academy Award; because they are always acting for someone else’s entertainment. A black man’s personality be damned, because most women in this society could care less about your personality; because many of them won’t even give you a chance to show it. It’s funny how people see black men every day, including black women, but we are a damn enigma to people; because most people don’t know a damn thing about us at all. They just THINK they do.
That is all.